did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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