Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
