How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
