Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
