1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize