You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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