dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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