You just made me feel so damn special
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
