Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
