it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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