The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize