I accidentally had phone sex last night
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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