Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
