The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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