rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
