You smell like stripper and shame
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
