I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
