i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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