idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
