____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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