taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
