Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
