i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
