So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
