so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...