ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night