haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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