I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
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Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?