A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
did you just send me my own nude
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.