My liver just broke up with me...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
