Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
