I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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