can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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