How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
