new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Success! We fucked roommates!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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