Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
