girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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