drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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