i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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