I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
