The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
