I love black thongs
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
