so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
