R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
