Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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