I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
