I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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