he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
