I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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