i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
