well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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