just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
