The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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