You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
