How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
