Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
