How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
