dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
