my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
