You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
