I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
