If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
