I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
