Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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