When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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