Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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