I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
