I wish my penis had an off switch
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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