shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
