I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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