Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
