Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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