i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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