Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
